In the last few weeks, I've experienced discouragement from several fronts. It isn't pretty and I don't like it. I've felt like a failure in more than one arena of my life. Blech!
Distasteful.
I can handle (more or less) dealing with one portion of dismay at a time, but I hate it when it seems like I've been ganged up on! Some referee needs to throw a flag and call a foul.
The only thing to do in these times is pick up and keep moving. After falling flat on your face in the dirt, what else is there to do but get up? Brush the dirt off my knees, spit the mud from my mouth, and bind up the bleeding wounds.
It is important for me to re-assess my priorities. Figure out what I did wrong and where I was wronged. Decide what I've learned. Because I have learned. A lot. Some of it makes me cynical, but there you have it.
The best part is knowing I've grown a backbone. Really, I'm a very non-confrontational gal. I tend to run hard to avoid a direct confrontation and I've always been a people pleaser. In this case, on one front, I was run over by someone else's agenda. It was ugly and rather public. Downright insulting. And it happened within a church structure. Double blech! But, this time, I stood up for what was right and did what needed to be done. Some folks now have my foot print on their backside. I can tell you that apologies were offered and accepted. Progress.
Now we move on.
I'm older, wiser, tougher, and much more determined to pursue my path. My highlighted failures in the past few weeks have broken me. It's up to me to decide if I have the grit and courage to rebuild and continue to pursue my dreams to completion.
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3 Other Creative Souls are Saying:
Ouch! Sounds like you've had a tough time. I think you definitely have the grit, stamina, and fortitude to not only reach for your dreams, but to see them fulfilled. As Sharon and Bon would say, "You're the BOMB!" Dust yourself off, chin up, and start again.
None of gets out of this life unscathed, do we? Sometimes it can hurt real bad....but you're right, Deb, what else can we do but forge on. Proud of you for the footprints you've made...I tend to avoid that at all costs, and it's rarely healing. Standing up for oneself can just do something to give you inner strength and fortitude and discernment. I too, have never liked confrontation, but now really try to make the effort if I truly believe in the righteousness of the arguement and/or if both parties involved have something to answer for. It can be satisfying to deal with it head on, with prayer and a sincere heart/discussion. It can truly be the first step in healing; even if nothing really gets settled.
I know you'll the be wiser for it...but I do feel the pain in your post. Thanks for sharing your heart and the fact that we can reach down inside and find the strength and courage to forge ahead. These are definitely learning experiences that offer us all kinds of ways to grow in wisdom and understanding. But they sure can challenge us in ways that we'd rather pass up!
Hugs to U!
Donna/NM
Deb,
I knew something was wrong when your blog was not prefaced by one of your lovely photos. Perhaps a pic of one of my crepe myrtle bushes would be appropriate. While my crepe myrtle trees dressed in their watermelon red and deep lilac are still ablaze in glory, my little bushes which have been so bridal in their white blooms have suddenly taken off their finery—stripped of their “day in the sun.” I am sorry you are experiencing that feeling of being sideswiped by those who perhaps are too self-absorbed at the moment. I can so relate. Having struggled with the loss of two special people in my life this year, recently encountering the emotional stuff that just naturally comes with reaching the age “50,” and simply feeling lonely with T having “flown the coop” to Chile for three months—I have been especially sensitive to the insensitivity of some friends and family members whom I thought would be there for me. I truly think it may be a “sign of the times,” so to speak. Our society, our churches, our politics, our friends, our families are all falling victim to the dysfunctional tune of “it’s all about me.” But, like you said, these experiences of discouragement and dismay ultimately result in strength—and a more realistic viewpoint of others and of life, in general. Also, we gain more respect for ourselves, especially folks like you and me who are people pleasers. We become less
co-dependent on others for affirmation and rely more on our “creative soul.” One other thought… You mentioned apologies. I heard (or read) a wonderful view of apologies recently. I am thinking it was from Randy Pausch of “the last lecture” fame. He said people tend to forget a critical part of an apology.
They say, “I am sorry,” but they forget to ask, “What can I do?” Please know that “after a season,” you—like my crepe myrtle bushes—will bloom again.
What Other Creative Souls Are Saying